A Perfect Brightness of Hope

In 2 Nephi 31:20 it says, “Wherefore ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.” “A perfect brightness of hope.” I love that phrase, and when I read it I think of times in my life when I experienced the exact opposite. I remember sitting in our living room in pitch blackness when my husband would walk in the door from work or meetings. I might have been sitting there for hours, wishing that I could cease to exist, and being sure that everyone would be better off if I did. Darkness enveloped every corner of my mind, and hope was nowhere to be found—or so I thought. By the time I had reached this point I had long since stopped reading scriptures and saying my prayers. I couldn’t see how doing either of those things was going to solve my problems. And what exactly were those problems? Well, nothing more nor less than what many people trying to live good lives go through at some time or another: The realization that I was just too imperfect to keep trying to win the race of life. All of the guilt and responsibility heaped upon me by the church (as I perceived it), not to mention all the other things I had heaped upon myself finally were too much to bear. I realized that I couldn’t be a good mother to the children who were quickly filling my quiver and I was tired of the impatience I continually showed to them for little things. I was good at lots of things, mothering just didn’t happen to be one of them, so why was it that I had to feel pressured into doing the one thing that I was the worst at? It was too hard, so I was giving up.

Realizing that I didn’t have it in me to actually take my life, even though at times that did seem like the easy way out, I started looking around for some kind of help. I ended up going to see a man who claimed to be able to read auras (like I said, I was desperate). I don’t recommend these types of therapies necessarily, but interestingly enough he told me some things that put me back on the path to healing. He was a Russian Jew who had converted to Mormonism and really did seem to have a gift. As he studied the colors in my aura (the space around my body that reflects my different energy frequencies, as I understand it), he told me that I was missing the color of Faith. Until then I hadn’t really thought about that, but I realized he was right. He asked me if I were reading my scriptures and saying my prayers and I told them no, because I didn’t see what good it would do. Then he told me something that entirely changed the way I look at those simplistic Sunday School answers that we all take for granted. He said that there is an energy associated with those things, a frequency if you will, that raises our own energy levels when we read the scriptures and say our prayers. Finally, I understood! My answers were not going to necessarily be written in the words of the scriptures; their stories wouldn’t necessarily be my story. But as I read and prayed it was as if I was tuning my radio dial to the Heavenly channel so that I could hear the whisperings of the Spirit. I have since come to realize that all of the things we are taught to do in the church are for this very purpose.

I am writing this blog in the hope that the idea can be kept at the forefront of our thoughts that living the gospel is the way to Happiness in this life and in the life to come. When times are good we should be doing our best to be consistent in reading the scriptures, praying morning and night, as well as keeping a prayer in our hearts all the rest of the time, fasting, attending meetings, and going to the temple as often as circumstances allow. When times get hard, we keep doing these things, but more of them. I believe that as we do this, we will feel an outpouring of the Spirit that will keep us from falling into those deep depressions brought on by feelings of despair that convince us that life is just too hard. Before we seek out therapies, let’s make sure that we are faithfully doing these other things, and proving the Lord to see if He will not pour out His blessings upon us. If therapy is needed, at least we’ll have the Spirit with us as we look for the ones that can do us the most good. Life is hard, there’s no doubt about it, but we have the tools we need to make it safely through it—tools that will keep that perfect brightness of hope burning within us as we travel on our journey Home.