Elder Perry on Teaching in the Home

L. Tom Perry:
Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today’s world,
where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking,
attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the
family. Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and
important responsibility. While other institutions, such as church and
school, can assist parents to “train up a child in the way he [or she]
should go” (Proverbs 22:6), ultimately this responsibility rests with
parents. According to the great plan of happiness, it is parents who are
entrusted with the care and development of our Heavenly Father’s children.
Our families are an integral part of His work and glory—“to bring to pass
the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). On God’s eternal
stage, it is usually intended that parents act as the central cast members
in their children’s lives. Fortunately, there are understudies involved in
the production who may step in when parents can’t. It, however, is parents
who have been commanded by the Lord to bring up their children in light and
truth (see D&C 93:40).

Parents must bring light and truth into their homes by one family prayer,
one scripture study session, one family home evening, one book read aloud,
one song, and one family meal at a time. They know that the influence of
righteous, conscientious, persistent, daily parenting is among the most
powerful and sustaining forces for good in the world. The health of any
society, the happiness of its people, their prosperity, and their peace all
find common roots in the teaching of children in the home.

(April 2010 General Conference)

NEWS FLASH!!! Weakness Is Not Sin!

If the title of this post actually showed up as a front-page headline on today's newspaper, I wonder if anyone would stop to read the story that went with it. This may be the most important article I write for this blog, and indeed, if it were to be the last one I write, I think the blog would have served its purpose. I've been walking through the bookstores quite a bit lately, shopping for gifts, and while I'm there I always to browse a bit to see if there's anything I don't have. There always is, of course, but most of what I don't have I don't need, so with any luck I'll walk out of the store without adding any more from that category to my clutter piles at home. Occasionally, though, a title will jump out at me and cause me to think, and when that happens, there's a good chance I'll end up owning it. Such was the case this time. Wendy Ulrich, Ph.D. has written a book entitled Weakness Is Not Sin. It doesn't call attention to itself in the least; it's paperback, only 150 pages or so, nothing flashy on the cover, and I had to ask a clerk to locate it for me, when my cursory search yielded no results. As I started to read it, I found myself underlining almost every line on every page for the first while. This is a very important book, and if more people in the church could come to understand the truth in the title, I believe we'd see much less depression among our numbers.

We are a good people; we live good lives and try to do what's right, but in that trying, we allow ourselves to get bogged down with a vision of perfection that we see ourselves as never being able to reach. I have anger issues. I don't really know why, except that when people do things that bug me, that seems like the natural reaction much of the time. I believe I have come a long ways over the years, but it always seems like there is such a long way to go, and it certainly doesn't feel like I'm going to master it any time soon. What this book teaches is that those weaknesses that we struggle with, were given to us for a purpose and that only if we choose the wrong reaction in dealing with them do they become sins in our lives.

The author defines "sin" as "rebellion against God," but she says that "weakness" just comes from having a mortal body. Most of the people I know are trying really hard to make it back to the Celestial Kingdom: they don't go around intentionally inflicting harm on others, or turning their backs on God. They try to be consistent in their prayers and scripture study and other things, but as they continue to do these things, they find themselves waking up each day with the same issues they went to bed with and after awhile it seems overwhelming because we are supposed to be perfect. There are so many areas to be perfect in, though, and we can't even master the one or two we're consciously working on. The beautiful message in this book is that while we do need to repent and forsake our sins, our weaknesses were given to us to humble us, and that as we use that humility to turn our lives over to God, Christ's grace will be sufficient for us, and He will make our weak things become strong.

An article I read this past week gave a good example of this. President Hinckley was apparently rather impatient in his life. The article talks about how when his children were young, the family might take a drive to the beach, but after 20 minutes he was ready to leave and get on with other things. However, just a few years after becoming the prophet, the number of temples in the church more than doubled. President Hinckley never got rid of his impatience, but the Lord was able to turn it into a strength and use it to further the work in His kingdom.

Could it be that some of us are trying too hard to root out and get rid of all of our weaknesses, when the answer might be to just chill out a little, become humble and submissive, and see if the Lord might have other plans for us? This is not to say that we shouldn't be working on them, and trying to improve, but that we don't have to live our lives burdened by the fact that we can't seem to get rid of them. The scriptures do not say "...men are that they might have joy, and women are that they might have depression." "Men" in that sense is a collective term, meaning both men and women. We are not joyful when we live our lives burdened down by things that were never intended to burden us.

If we are feeling guilty because of our sins, our rebelliousness against God, then let's take the steps necessary to be rid of them. If we recognize that we have weaknesses, let's realize that they are a normal part of the mortal experience, and turn to the Lord to figure out what we should do about them.

We are very familiar with the Book of Mormon verse that talks about this. I'd like to analyze it just a bit, to illustrate what I'm talking about, inserting my comments in bolded text:

Ether 12:27 says: And if men come unto me [by praying, fasting, scripture study, etc.] I will show unto them their weakness [we come unto God and He shows us our weaknesses! It doesn't say that if we come unto Him he'll take them away from us. Think about that for a minute]. I give unto men weakness [God, not Satan, gives us our weaknesses. Satan tries to exploit them and turn them into sins, but he didn't give them to us.] that they may be humble [NOT that they may feel guilty, but that they may be humble]; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. [The Bible Dictionary defines "grace" as "an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts," and that it "is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means." Wow! Our best efforts will be enough. Grace will make up the difference if we humble ourselves in our weaknesses that God has given to us for this purpose.

The more faithful we become in trying to live the gospel, the more the Lord will show us our weaknesses, and it is through humility in our weaknesses that we are made strong. Please read this last sentence over and over until it resonates through your being. More faithful = more awareness of our weaknesses, but it's a good thing! What a concept!

I wish I had understood this principle on my mission. I came home realizing that I had a lot more weaknesses than I had even imagined. I was always bothered by the fact that I seemed to have so many issues, when I was trying so hard to do what's right. It wasn't until I actually wrote the above bolded sentence just now that I realized what had happened. I was the closest to the Lord at that time than I'd ever been, and He was showing me my weaknesses, just like the scripture said. Rather than be burdened by them, I was supposed to be humbled by them. It did humble me, but not in a way to make me seek reliance on Heavenly Father and turn to Him with the intent of allowing Him to work with me on them. Instead, I felt like dirt, weighed down with how far from perfection I really am. What a freeing, empowering principle this is!

This was going to be a sort of book review, but most of what I've written is just my own thoughts as I've tried to process what I've read so far. I'm only about half way through it, but as I would read, my thoughts kept going off, trying to put this article together. Now that I've got it written out, hopefully I'll be able to finish the book.

Make it a Great Day!

A Perfect Brightness of Hope

In 2 Nephi 31:20 it says, “Wherefore ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.” “A perfect brightness of hope.” I love that phrase, and when I read it I think of times in my life when I experienced the exact opposite. I remember sitting in our living room in pitch blackness when my husband would walk in the door from work or meetings. I might have been sitting there for hours, wishing that I could cease to exist, and being sure that everyone would be better off if I did. Darkness enveloped every corner of my mind, and hope was nowhere to be found—or so I thought. By the time I had reached this point I had long since stopped reading scriptures and saying my prayers. I couldn’t see how doing either of those things was going to solve my problems. And what exactly were those problems? Well, nothing more nor less than what many people trying to live good lives go through at some time or another: The realization that I was just too imperfect to keep trying to win the race of life. All of the guilt and responsibility heaped upon me by the church (as I perceived it), not to mention all the other things I had heaped upon myself finally were too much to bear. I realized that I couldn’t be a good mother to the children who were quickly filling my quiver and I was tired of the impatience I continually showed to them for little things. I was good at lots of things, mothering just didn’t happen to be one of them, so why was it that I had to feel pressured into doing the one thing that I was the worst at? It was too hard, so I was giving up.

Realizing that I didn’t have it in me to actually take my life, even though at times that did seem like the easy way out, I started looking around for some kind of help. I ended up going to see a man who claimed to be able to read auras (like I said, I was desperate). I don’t recommend these types of therapies necessarily, but interestingly enough he told me some things that put me back on the path to healing. He was a Russian Jew who had converted to Mormonism and really did seem to have a gift. As he studied the colors in my aura (the space around my body that reflects my different energy frequencies, as I understand it), he told me that I was missing the color of Faith. Until then I hadn’t really thought about that, but I realized he was right. He asked me if I were reading my scriptures and saying my prayers and I told them no, because I didn’t see what good it would do. Then he told me something that entirely changed the way I look at those simplistic Sunday School answers that we all take for granted. He said that there is an energy associated with those things, a frequency if you will, that raises our own energy levels when we read the scriptures and say our prayers. Finally, I understood! My answers were not going to necessarily be written in the words of the scriptures; their stories wouldn’t necessarily be my story. But as I read and prayed it was as if I was tuning my radio dial to the Heavenly channel so that I could hear the whisperings of the Spirit. I have since come to realize that all of the things we are taught to do in the church are for this very purpose.

I am writing this blog in the hope that the idea can be kept at the forefront of our thoughts that living the gospel is the way to Happiness in this life and in the life to come. When times are good we should be doing our best to be consistent in reading the scriptures, praying morning and night, as well as keeping a prayer in our hearts all the rest of the time, fasting, attending meetings, and going to the temple as often as circumstances allow. When times get hard, we keep doing these things, but more of them. I believe that as we do this, we will feel an outpouring of the Spirit that will keep us from falling into those deep depressions brought on by feelings of despair that convince us that life is just too hard. Before we seek out therapies, let’s make sure that we are faithfully doing these other things, and proving the Lord to see if He will not pour out His blessings upon us. If therapy is needed, at least we’ll have the Spirit with us as we look for the ones that can do us the most good. Life is hard, there’s no doubt about it, but we have the tools we need to make it safely through it—tools that will keep that perfect brightness of hope burning within us as we travel on our journey Home.